How little is too little?
“Jamie, come away from the window and finish your paper.” Jamie, an attractive girl in her middle teens, turned away from the sunny window and sat down at the table. After several silent minutes she sighed and set down her pencil. “Jamie you need to concentrate; I want that report done by tonight.” Her mother adjusted the books on the table to continue with her letters. Jamie glanced back at the window before speaking “Mom…tonight Aimee is having a girls get-together at her house, and she invited me to come.” Jamie’s mother lifted her head for a moment before setting down her pencil and sitting back. “Who all is going?” “Amanda, Karley, Shelly and a few other girls. The party only goes until 9:00, and her parents would be there.” Jamie shifted under her mother’s eyes. “Karley; you mean the girl you met at the picnic? You know how your father and I feel about her…” Jamie fiddled with her pencil. “Yeah, I know she has some strong ideas on home education, but I would be with Aimee and I don’t think she would let things get out of hand…” “She doesn’t just have strong ideas on education, but when I talked to her she came pretty close to condemning all the points of femininity that I brought up; she showed me no respect, and honey… I have very little respect for the way she dresses and acts.” Her mother got up to stir the pot on the stove before Jamie spoke. “I know that we don’t agree with a lot of things she says and does, but I would be with other Christian girls and I don’t think that being around her would influence me.” Her mother sat down to look Jamie straight in the eyes. “You are a young teenage girl and can be easily influenced by other girls your age, and I don’t think it is safe for you to be around Karley.” “Mom, I’m sixteen, and I have been home-schooled all my life. I love God and I want to be a witness to other girls. How am I going to do that if I can’t be around them?” Jamie said. “Honey, you are still sixteen and your father and I don’t want to put you in any circumstance that might influence you in a bad way. Now you better get back to you paper while I get lunch ready.” Jamie’s mother got up from the table to clean up the kitchen and left Jamie with her pencil in her hand, looking out the window.
Now, assuming that Jamie is a levelheaded girl, set in her parent’s wise teaching and counseling, how do you think her mother should have responded? One of the things that parents of teens have to learn is that over time, you have to start giving them more and more freedom. To me, it’s a fine balance between encouraging rebellion by giving to much freedom, and encouraging rebellion by not giving enough. What do you think?
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3 comments:
Hey, Jennifer... Thanks for letting us share our thoughts.
Actually, this is a topic I've been thinking about a lot lately. My parents have made several decisions recently that were very difficult. Even when I agreed with the decision, it didn't make it easy to go along with it, and a few of the decisions... Well, let's just say that I didn't agree with them at the time.
Two passage of Scripture that I have found helpful are Ephesians 6:1-4 and Colossians 3:20-21. In Ephesians 6:4 it warns fathers, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." However, in verses 1-3, Paul speaks to children, restating the Fifth Commandment, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.'"
In Colossians 3:21 it says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." However, in verse 20 it says, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."
So yes, parents can definitely be overbearing, and they should guard themselves against that... I think our parents would be the first to admit that they are far from perfect. However, it's not my place to give child-raising advice. I have no experience and much less wisdom than most of the Christian parents I know. Obviously, the verses that say not to provoke your children don't mean that parents should never make a decision their children won't like. Parents should do what they believe will best raise up their child in the fear and admonition of the Lord, in accordance with Scripture. From what I know of Jamie's parents, I do believe that was their motivation in making their decision.
Because of that, I think the important thing for us (as teens) to remember is that, even if our parents do act in what we believe is an overbearing way, that doesn't exempt us from obeying and honoring them as God commands.
One of the lessons God has been teaching me through some of the tougher decisions is that if we only honor our parents when we agree (or when we don't really care), we're not really honoring them. God doesn't say to honor your parents only when they're right or reasonable. He says to honor them, even when they are unreasonable. Talk about a hard thing.
One thing that has made it a little easier for me has been remembering God's promise to those who honor their parents: "... that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." I'm never going to miss out on God's best by honoring my parents. In fact, I have God's promise (and God never breaks His promises) that He will bless me if I do!
Why must we obey and honor our parents? Is it because they are always right? No, definitely not. Rather it is because Jesus is our Lord and Savior and He commands us to obey and honor them.
I always have to ask myself, "Do I trust Jesus enough to obey Him in this circumstance, even though it's hard?" I don't know all the details behind Jamie's story, but I do know that she cannot lose out by accepting her mother's decision without resentment, despite her disappointment. We serve a faithful God, and I know she'll never regret obeying Him.
Hmmm, well it sounds like the mother is being completely judgement about a girl she knows nothing about and also that she doesn't trust her own daughter....who she raised....and therefore, doesn't trust her own parenting skills completely.
Interacting with human beings outside of the family is sort of reality. And it sounds like the mother is trying to keep the child sheltered and avoiding the truth.
I think sixteen is still a very vulnerable age where certain activities should be prohibited by the parents. Perhaps especially in the case of a daughter, because girls are more emotional than boys.I think Jamie's mother is probably alot wiser than Jamie, so I would trust that her decision was carefully made.
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